I deleted my social media apps.
Social media, no matter how little you use them (or think you use them), have a way of making you scroll mindlessly. There is something about the constant streams of motivations, inspirations, and sense of community that makes you want to keep going.
Or maybe for you, it’s the need to find something; to find that one thing or content that really resonates with you. Just that one person, that one page, that one video and you’d stop. And yet, here you are 50 contents later and still searching.
But you know what I realized? Overstimulation and over consumption, no matter how much value or knowledge you think you are gaining, isn’t really good for anyone. Mainly because there is only so much that you can watch before it becomes monotonous. Consuming the same types of contents over and over again.
At what point exactly do you plan on implementing what you’ve consumed into your life? You become motivated to work out and eat healthy, and yet, you can barely drag your eyes away from the phone screen. Just 10 more contents and you’d go work out. Until suddenly, you look up and night has fallen. Oh well, tomorrow it is.
Procastination, I say is the enemy of discipline. But what better motivator for procastination than social media?
Anyway, that wasn’t the point of this blog post.
The point is that, I have come to realize that instead of me living in the present moment, enjoying my youthfulness, I consume contents from people twice my age, who had the chance to grow up organically. Who had the chance to learn life lessons as life happened, instead of learning life lessons through the screen. “Oh you’re just 21. You’re so mature for your age.” I hear that often. Perhaps it’s because depression and loneliness teaches you a heavy life lesson right from a young age. Coupled with all the spiritual gurus that I follow religiously (and when I say guru, I mean Dakota Wint, Alan Watts and Terence McKenna. Those who don’t think that being human is vile and your should only venerate your inner divinity), then yes, you have got yourself a too-mature-for-her-age, wanting to fly before she can leap female.
I see other people living the life that I want, moving out at age 17, building a name for themselves, getting married, or just being, and I can’t help but compare their lives to mine (no matter how much I try to deny this).
See, I am a control nut. I like to plan out how each of my hobbies can bring me money later in the future. Or I like to think that I can only get jobs in the skills that I currently have at age 21, which to be quite frankly, is both much and little at the same time. Forgetting that there is still a whole world out there that I’m still yet to see, and a wide variety of jobs that I’ve probably never even heard of.
I could be a zookeeper or a weed trimmer. I could work in a psychedelics lab, or in a farm itself. I could work under a cutting edge new human-based, spiritual magazine. Or perhaps I could go on and create one for myself. Why do I limit myself and the options of gaining money to things like copy writing and advertising? Things that aim to keep people stuck in the matrix. And I don’t use that word “matrix” kindly. I used to hate it when people said we were living in the matrix. But I mean, look around you. How many people aren’t currently stuck on their phone? That itching to get back online, to feed the system, to give away your privacy, to justify being constantly online and connected. It’s like a constantly absorbing and draining web of energy. But even as I type this and as you read this, we both know that we would probably not give it all up. Mainly because this blog wouldn’t exist without technology and you wouldn’t be reading this without technology.
Perhaps instead, it’s about finding a balance between using and staying offline. Being a technology junkie and actually BEING HERE NOW for the human experience.
And I do want to be here now for the human experience. I mean, I’m almost always distracted anyway. I am currently disassociating, I am an avid consumer of marijuana so it feels like I’m always high, and my face is almost always facing my phone screen. So how exactly, do I expect to have some semblance of self awareness? Especially when I’m always consuming “self-help” contents (which tbh, I love because I really filter out those who I listen to). Or just contents in general. When I’m always learning something new, or listening to someone else talk about the best way to live life, how exactly am I going to learn that life lesson myself it to just experience life in general?
So yes, I deleted my social media apps. Not my account because I do still feel like social media can help to foster a sense of community, especially when you’re actually learning to be your true, authentic self. Connecting on a deeper level instead of all the shallowness.
Of course, my social media doesn’t extend to YouTube because YouTube is one of the only places where you can actually find people being themselves.
So if by any chance, you catch me staring at my phone, it’s either because I am texting the tons of men that are trying to court me and are ridiculously failing, editing my YouTube videos, watching a YouTube video, reading, writing, or learning something new like a new skill. Technology itself isn’t, in this one case, the evil one. The bane of my existence lies in just social media itself.
Anyway, if you’ve gotten to the end of this post, thank you for reading. I’m Zara and I am one lucky girl to be able to catch and maintain your attention. Ciao.
-Yours sincerely, Z