Being self aware is a shitty, overrated process because all your flaws and faults and shadows are laid out on a platter of gold for you to view and criticize.
I’ve gone from not feeling my emotions to having them come in waves. I blame the lunar eclipse being in Taurus. Plus something about Scorpio and Venus and this being shadow season.
But the one thing that I’ve learnt is that it’s okay to feel your emotions. I saw this post the other day that said we have enough positivity. We need more people that live in polarity and are okay with accepting their emotions. And yeah, I mean, I feel stuck between flowing and non-attachment and the god self or manifesting, magick and nonduality. Maybe there’s a balanced line in between that I can’t see just yet. If you can, let me know, yeah? I think in this tough time, we have to help each other as much as we can.
How am I pulling myself out from disassociating?
1. By actually feeling my emotions. Yesterday, I felt rage. Absolute, raw, passionate rage. And I might have intentionally hexed someone.
2. I outrightly expressed my displeasure at something my mother did and I expressed my mind.
3. I felt disappointed today because I didn’t get the results I wanted. I cried. Not sobbing kind but tearing up and sniffing kind (I was on the road back home).
4. I criticized myself for feeling this sad, and I internally beat myself up and I literally saw my shadow. And I said “you know what? I’m exhausted. I’m tired of feeling this bad for feeling bad. I’m tired of trying to suppress what I feel.” And so I let them out and I created and held the space for me to feel.
And afterwards I felt so good. I felt great. Imagine feeling numb for weeks and then you suddenly have big emotions pouring out.
So advice for anyone else that’s feeling this dark energy and is feeling all round emotional or is disassociating and is having a little (huge) trouble feeling their emotions, it takes time. It might take a long time. I saw a quote today that said that healing isn’t linear (the way I recall useful quotes when I need them). Some days, you’re feeling really good and on top of the world and the next, you’re being called to go inwards and rest and reflect and just take care of yourself and see the parts of you that might have been suppressed. You are doing good even on days when you feel like you are growing backwards.