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A Little Author’s Note To My Readers

I am a bit exhausted today. I have been exhausted recently. I feel so much anxious energy and I feel like there’s something massive that’s about to take place and my life would never be the same again. But at the same time, I feel stale. I feel like I should be doing something, more, moving. I had a thought today. I said “stop trying to do and just do. Let your natural movements overtake you. Let your hands move and your breath flow by itself. You do not think of doing them before you do them. They are automatic responses.” And that seems easy enough but it’s a pretty hard thing to accomplish. Being. Flowing. Non-attachment. There’s a thin line between lazy and non-attachment. At what point do we cross that line?

I’ve been wondering lately if we actually do have control over things. I mean, the better our thoughts are, the better our reality, because the more lessons we learn and the more we grow, the better we are able to handle bigger blessings. But what if life is pre-determined? Like after every thought, every manifestation, life becomes automatic. Every step you take, every breath you breathe, they are all meant to happen to get you to your destination. And the concept of “free will” would be you making decisions on whether to remain in the stage you are in or grow. And oh how uncomfortable growth is. Growth is painful. Growth is hard. Growth asks you to cry and scream and feel your hurt and open yourself up to love. Growth brings out the hidden.

I’m exhausted. I have been exhausted lately. But perhaps I don’t notice it because of the ways I try to fill my days. I have been feeling a bit artificial. My views are increasing and I am so wonderfully grateful that you guys decided to tune in and come back and subscribe. I really am. But with more views, I feel like I have to produce “better” contents. I feel the panic rise that I might run out of ideas, even though the ideas aren’t coming from “me” but from the I.

This blog started as a way to connect to my readers in times of challenges. And I want to keep it that way. Because you are also going through challenges and you are also exhausted or grateful or in need of that advice that you didn’t know you needed, and I just want to connect with you so that you know that you aren’t alone in this journey.

In the main time, I am going to try to flow more and stop obsessing so much over the material. Or maybe I need to balance out the material and spiritual? Perhaps this is a sign that you need to too.

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