There is no ultimate version of me. I’m not meant to BE anybody. I just am. There is no ultimate version of me. The only thing constant about life is its fluidity. It is ever changing. Change is the only constant. Be so with humans too. We are always changing. One moment, we like a set of things and the other moment, we don’t.
That’s what my passage was talking about. About how life comes in cycles. We are constantly experiencing sets of things. I like drawing, I like writing, I like digital marketing. And then the next moment, I have no passions and no drive. I only want to write and teach and help people.
But who I am is still me all through the changes. I am still me. I should ride the waves not try to be. Like Nish said, “there is nothing that you need to be. It is enough to simply be.” So just because I currently don’t have passions and there’s nothing that gets me excited does not make me any less of me. I am just experiencing a different cycle that I need to embrace not resist. I don’t need to fight this stage. I don’t need to be in conflict with myself. I should just experience and let go of the worries. But when trying to manifest something, even through the flow and be of life, hold that space and believe that what you want will come to pass and all the cycles and flow will lead you to that stage.
In the main time, believe that you aren’t becoming anyone but you already are. You are the person that makes those things happen. You are the person with the job. You are the person with and without passions. You are the person with abundance. You are the happy person. Then and now, time is non-existent. You are living in the moment till you get to where you are but it is already in your reality. Like watching a movie. You are in the middle of the movie. Watching the main character be sad or hustle or find inner stillness. And then next, you will be watching the main character buy a new car and a new house and travel the world. It is all in your timeline. It is just taking its time to come to you. It is gathering energy, gathering momentum, gathering faith, being watered, being nurtured so that when the scene in the movie begins to play, you, the viewer, the awareness, will be so surprised and just be in awe at the magnificence. You are a co-fucking creator. Don’t you forget that.
So I have been struggling a whole lot. I don’t meditate as much as I used to and I am considering putting a pause to working out. But my intuition led me to this book called “Fuck like a goddess” and there’s this part where she says, “In fact, however you approach this work, some resistance will likely come up, tricking you into saying things like “Fuck this! I’m fine! I don’t need healing!” Our minds are smart like that. My mind has tricked me into thinking all kinds of things as it tries to protect me from the unknown territory of my next massive expansion…When the resistance comes, it may also feel like being tired, foggy, angry, or grumpy. We all have our resistance flavors, the ways that we prevent ourselves from moving closer to the edge of expansion. Because the truth is we have zero clue what’s beyond that edge. We may fall off into oblivion, for all we know! And so the mind tries to convince us to stay put. It’s doing its job to make sure we survive.”
And I realize that I am in resistance. My mind so readily convinced me to stop working out for this week because I need a break and I am tired even though I have barely been working out for the past couple of weeks. My mind is trying to convince me to go back down that road of “I have been hopeful and nothing is working.” But my guides are working twice as hard to reassure me. My world had been filled with 5’s and 8’s and occasional 7’s and 9’s. So trust that I will keep watering my intentions and I won’t let myself down. Not this time. I have come too far, and I have worked too hard on myself and my mental health.
This is the part where I say “girl, you are fucking awesome and I am so proud of your progress.”