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I am at once enlightened

I read a book.

I’m not saying I don’t normally read, but what I am saying is that I haven’t read one that made me cry in a long while. I suppose the ending wasn’t expected.

But in this said book, I have come to realize a fact. I am me. I am unapologetically me. I make mistakes and have flaws but I still try to fill myself up with creativity and self awareness. But despite being me and having a knowledge of who I am or who I think I am, I still hold myself back from living fully.

I want to climb a tree and make tiktok videos and take pictures without feeling even a tad bit embarrassed. I want to discover the wonders of this world and wander and find beauty in the littlest things. I want to be free to live and love.

And what I have come to realize is that no matter who we say we are or who we want to be, we always hold on tight to our reins so we don’t cross the boundary of what society calls weird or crazy. Deep down, we crave so bad to be normal that even when we think we are “crazy” or “living life to the fullest,” we are doing so in this perfect little box that we, the society have created because true difference scares us. True difference changes the world and people don’t really like changes no matter how much they think they do.

I suppose it took this particular book to open my eyes and I don’t expect to change overnight but I am going to slowly work my way out of the box and live like I have only two days left to live because

“I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me. I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy by turns. I am rooted, but I flow. All gold, flowing…”

-Virginia Woolf.

The book is named All The Bright Places by Jennifer Nirven.

-Yours sincerely, Z

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